Meeting people for
the first time can be daunting.
keen to make a good first impression, but you often feel
self-conscious. You worry about coming across all wrong.
you may avoid meeting people because it’s
hard. You may feel skeptical that you can change.
Carnegie researched the most successful people in history to uncover
valuable insights in building self-confidence as well as enhancing
your people, communications, and leadership skills. Carnegie’s
proven advice has stood the test of time.
like it when you smile at them because it shows immediate approval
and shows you’re
happy to meet them.
others how much you enjoy being around them and they’ll
instantly like you. When you’re
happy to see someone, they’ll
be happy to see you too.
When you smile, it
boosts your own positive emotions. More smiling leads to more
positive emotions that lead to more smiling.
The easiest and most
effective way to make a great first impression is to smile from the
the way you think about meeting people will change the outcome. A
positive frame of mind will produce positive results. You’ll
become more likable.
you meet someone, don’t
be tempted to start talking about yourself. Talking about yourself
self-centered and selfish, and unlikeable.
Be likable and
interesting by being interested in others. The secret of being
interesting is simply being interested. Listen deeply.
the other person your full attention. Be genuinely interested in
learning about everything they have to say. Don’t
be distracted. Don’t
interrupt. Listen closely.
excelled at listening. Because he was deeply interested in
everything people said, they willingly told him their most private
fears and desires.
yourself excessively, failing to listen to others, and constantly
interrupting them will make people instantly dislike you.
Try to listen well
and encourage others to open up and talk, especially about
not easy to listen well. It will take time and practice.
are primarily driven by emotion rather than reason. Criticizing
people by pointing out their mistakes won’t
encourage them to change their mind or behavior. Or learn anything
if warranted, criticism won’t
have the desired effect. Whoever you criticize won’t
listen to what you’re
saying because they’ll
feel attacked and naturally defend their position by fighting back.
might help you feel better in the short-term. But in the long-term,
it only makes others like you less.
people made it a habit to never openly criticize others. Benjamin
Franklin said the secret of his success was that he never spoke ill
Lincoln used to publicly criticize his opponents until he was almost
forced into a saber duel. During the Civil War, Lincoln famously
told those who spoke harshly of the Southerners to stop criticizing
them because ‘they
are just what we would be under similar circumstances.’
is easy but futile. It takes character to understand and forgive
someone for their mistakes and shortcomings.
to understand what drives other people and accept their
shortcomings. If you want others to like you, don’t
openly criticize them.
Focus on others.
Taking the focus off you is a good way to reduce stress.
careful of falling back on your old ways. Raising your voice to
express a point doesn’t
at each other doesn’t
make it easier to be heard. Getting emotional doesn’t
all arguments at all costs because they can’t
be truly won.
start arguments. After they’re
over, both sides will be even more firmly entrenched in their
if you think you’ve
won an argument, all you’ve
succeeded in doing is making the other person resent you.
need to find an agreement. You don’t
need to impose your ideas on others. It’s
valuable to have others challenge your views.
Be thankful for the
input of others. See if you can see it from their perspectives
instead of automatically arguing to bolster your views.
you tell a person they’re
wrong, you attack their self-esteem and sense of self-worth. You’re
hurting their feelings, and they’ll
naturally want to retaliate.
you express your opposition to person’s
opinions in absolute terms, it implies you’re
smarter than them. No one likes to be told they’re
dumb. Even if you’re
smarter than they are, don’t
display it openly.
much more effective to be humble and open-minded when you want
someone to reevaluate their view. Keep an open mind. Admit you might
By being inclusive,
you can quickly turn opponents into allies, making it possible for
you to change their opinions.
Franklin made it a habit to never openly oppose others and banished
rigid expressions such as ‘certainly’
from his vocabulary.
make mistakes. You’re
only human. Don’t
beat yourself up about it.
make mistakes. Admit your mistake quickly and clearly to steal your
When you promptly
admit your mistake before another person can criticize you, you
immediately turn the situation around in your favor. The only way
for the other person to feel important is to be generous and forgive
Carnegie quickly and profoundly apologized when a police officer
caught him walking his dog without a muzzle. Thanks to Carnegie’s
upfront admission of guilt, the officer wasn’t
critical or preachy and let him off without a fine.
yourself is far more pleasant than listening to others do it.
self-criticism can also make others think more highly of you. It
takes character to openly admit your weaknesses and shortcomings.
try and wriggle out of it. Admit it immediately and clearly.
too forceful leads to communication breakdowns. Don’t
be so selfish.
Never let someone
know you want to change their opinion. No one likes having to change
their opinion. Persuade people indirectly.
someone over by being nice, polite and patient. If you act
stop listening and will start to fight back and defend their
shared interests. Make it clear that both of you have the same
goals. Only reveal your own views after ensuring the other person
believes your interests are shared. Don’t
someone sees your goals as converging, the most effective way to
persuade them of your views is to make them agree with you multiple
timed. Ask lots of small questions that can only be answered with a
people to agree to a series of yes questions is known as the
Socratic method. Getting more yeses during a discussion means it’s
more likely you’ll
also get a ‘yes’ when
you reveal your position on the subject.
By carefully using
the Socratic method, you can get people to agree with views they had
becoming more confident. Your people, communications, and leadership
skills are improving.
People love being
shown affection. It promotes their self-esteem and makes them happy.
your full appreciation to win others over. Don’t
hold back. Be enthusiastic. Show you’re
truly interested in them and in what they have to say. Try to
remember what they tell you.