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Logbook of an Explorer

The Pinocchio Story

** Finding the Self **


By

Paul Lungust



Text Copyright © 2017 Paul Lungust
All rights reserved.



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Preface



During the last part of 2002 and first part of 2003 I had an opportunity to live a simple life. I had been out of work and hadn't been able to find a job in my usual field, so I took an outside sales job that didn't quite pay my bills, but also didn't require much of my time or mental energy. I lived in a second-floor, two-bedroom apartment that looked out over an empty lot with tall trees. In one bedroom I had my sleeping bag, a barrowed folding table, which I used as a desk for my computer, and a used easy chair that I bought from a furniture rental store. There was no other furniture in the apartment.

In the second bedroom, which had only bare walls and carpet, I would close the door and meditate. And if, during my meditation, I would experience any realizations, feelings or thoughts worthy of writing down, I would condense them into a single phrase or verse and then write them down on printer paper, using a fountain pen and bold cursive. Then, after I was finished for the day, I would read over what I had written and cut the paper up into separate thoughts. I would then write the date on each piece of paper. Occasionally, I would enter all these realizations, feeling and thoughts into my computer, along with the dates they were experienced.

One day, while reading over some of them, I noticed that they weren't all random. I noticed that many of them seemed to be a continuation of something I had written on another day, either a previous day or a later day. So, I tried putting a few of them together into topics and arranging them so they made sense and supported their shared message. What I got was astounding. It was a new way of writing, a new way of communicating. It was the difference between drinking water and drinking tequila. The head rush that I experienced when I wrote them down was relived. The emotionally charged realizations, which can never remain in the intellectual mind or be transmitted accurately into words, were there again, filling my mind with endorphins of enlightenment.

So, as my savings got closer to running out, and my mind was no longer clear enough to continue meditating, I made a crude attempt at putting together a book of related thoughts. I shared it with a few friends, but… They just didn't get it. So, I put it all away and went on to the next chapter of my life.

Before all of that, in 2001, I spent 6 months in a deeper kind of meditation (one with little or no outside contacts) while living in a similar apartment, though with less furniture and in another part of the US. I had many strange, beautiful and sometimes even frightening experiences during that time, but I didn't write very much about them. I believe it was because it took time – 2 years in this case – for everything that I experienced to be assimilated into my understanding of everything else that I already believed and accepted.

Now, some 14 years later, I happen to be in a place in my life where I have some time, not the kind of unencumbered time I would need for new work, but the kind of time it takes to go back to my book of realizations and finish what I started.

When working on this book, I realized that at least part of what gives it its power is how the verses, which are bits of truth that create concepts and complex images in the reader's mind, act like clues to bring the reader to his or her own realizations about the universal truths that are talked about in this book. Like solving a puzzle, the reader first fills his or her mind with these carefully laid out concepts, and then, if all works according to plan, their brain suddenly puts together all (or some) of the pieces into an explosion of understanding – the same understanding that I experience as the result of months of meditation.

I first present small realizations, or concepts, and then reuse them under different contexts, which allows the reader to become familiar with them and grow to trust them. Reusing the same verses also decreases the time it takes for the reader to interpret the meaning of each verse, and does it without activating the reader's normal defenses against new ideas. I then build up to larger realizations, followed by more of the familiar ones, which support the larger realizations but also add deeper meaning to the more familiar ones.

So, although this book may seem very short, in fact it contains a lot of information, partly in the way that it is designed and delivered. Plus, it can be reexperienced many times with the same powerful impact. But, for the full affect, which is to have your mind blown with condensed realizations explaining the meaning of Life, I suggest that you pick a quiet time and devote your full attention, because your mind must understand and put together all of the concepts, in order to solve the greater puzzle. Otherwise, they just become words that describe bits of truth. Even I am not able to achieve the euphoria that is possible every time I read it. Sometimes I feel disappointed after reading it, like it was a waste of my time to have written it and held on to it for so many years, or even to have read it. And sometimes I am just completely moved to tears, which is why I am sharing it with you.

I have found, though, that if I can first put myself into a meditative state, or at least a concentrated state, and read the book completely from beginning to end, allowing myself the time to feel the meaning of each verse and react to it in an honest and emotional way, then I end up with the best experience. Which, I would think, is a good way to experience everything in Life, because understanding Life is like a puzzle of meaningful concepts, and should be experienced fully, and be put together in your mind with all of the other bits of truth that you've already learned about Life.

And don't worry about having to abandon your belief systems, or take on new ones. The possibilities that can be realized in this book are simply that – possibilities that could explain what Life is and how it works. I do not know the truth. I am not a prophet with special and exclusive connections to God. I am only an explorer, one who gets excited searching for Truth, holds nothing sacred above it, and is willing to risk everything to discover it.



Paul Lungust

September 9, 2017





Introduction


I am not the one who wrote this,
though he is not that much better than me.

He is not a deity.

March 10, 2003


All along my path
I have encountered confident people,
who were wrong.

Because of this,
I am careful about sharing the truths
I have discovered.

April 19, 2003


It is not my intention to change the law,
or to remove God from His Throne.

I am just an explorer –
one of many.

March 13, 2003


My exploring must be unhindered
by societal or personal
incentives, obligations and restrictions.

March 15, 2003


I was given the gift of travel.
I was not given the gift of leadership.

I am a worker,
and my discoveries are influenced
by that fact.

April 23, 2003


I travel into other worlds
so that I may understand my… self
even better.

January 18, 2003


I am new here, in this world,
but this personality
is very old.

January 18, 2003


Sometimes I get that icky feeling
that I am exploring places
where I should not be.

Like a child,
I feel vulnerable
when I explore the spaces
between the worlds.

I know I am risking my establishment here,
but how else will I know where "here" is,
unless I venture
beyond its borders.

April 22, 2003


I have flown like the bird.
I have fought like the monkey and mantis.

I have experienced
the consciousness
of you.

April 5, 2003


I have felt the great beast move,
in whose mind
our universe

is but a fantasy.

April 19, 2003


When I was a newborn turtle
running from the birds on the beach
I was more scared than at any other time
in all my travels.

We must experience pain,
fear, and death.

April 24, 2003


No,
there was that time
when I was eaten by wolves.

But my life as a wolf was a good one,
a clean life,
with few doubts about
my actions and motives.

April 24, 2003


We live each day with the fear
that it will be our last.

We think
that is normal.

We accept that
as natural.



But it is not natural and it is not normal.

It is only necessary
because we have
chosen
to be present
in this reality.

February 22, 2015


There is a price for being here,
but there are also benefits.

April 24, 2003


The baby wakes up
when it is uncomfortable,
and cries.

March 14, 2003


When I leave this reality,
let my words be just your beginning.

Realizing that
we
are more important
than I.

February 2, 2003


We are grazers; not tigers.

Where do you come from,
and where are you going?

January 12, 2003


Learning


If we were apes,
sitting under that tree down there,
what would we learn?

What would be our reasons
for learning?

But,
more importantly,
what should we learn
and why?

March 10, 2003


There is no direction.
You cannot follow anyone.

There are no books or teachers either
to rely on.

It is totally up to you.

February 26, 2003


All results come from a process of learning.

Your learning will be as broad and as diverse
as your results.

February 22, 2003


Your learning stops
when we are no longer a child,

because then you believe
that you know.

January 23, 2003


If you spend your time
learning to control people,
you will never learn
how to love them.

It is not the way
to overcome your fears

December 27, 2002


Turn off your defense mechanisms.
Admit that you know nothing.

Open your mind as a child
and focus your attention.

March 3, 2003


There are no powers.

There is only ignorance.

January 12, 2003


In the darkness,
even the smallest tasks
require thought and deliberation.

March 5, 2003


When you are trapped you can think.
When you are in desire,
you cannot.

When you have lost all hope,
you will understand.

March 6, 2003



Finding the Self


During the day,
I am lost in my connections
to the future and the past.

I am conscious of many people,
and the walls of my house
are very thin.

During the night,
I become separated from all others.

I lose my peripheral focus of the world
and begin to hear the voices
of the egos
that hide my true self.

January 12, 2003


Ego at my back,
if you are in on it
then I don't trust it.

How do I even know
if my thoughts are my own?

December 31, 2002


Without the influence of my egos,
who am I?

Without my need to know who I am
I have no reason
for being here.

December 31, 2002


Have you ever wondered why,
no matter how old you get
it is always you?

You do not grow older; you grow wiser.

You do not change;
your reality changes.

March 8, 2003


You are the creator of your reality.
Your creation is the result
of your search.

Your search is to know
who you are.

March 22, 2003


The illusions keep us from the search
and bind us to a reality.

March 17, 2003


Truly, I am the only one
who will die.

It is the only real thing
I will ever experience
in this reality.

February 20, 2003


If today is not important,
and yesterday and tomorrow
are not important,

then what is?

February 20, 2003


You were given a flower,
and you sold it.

You did not take it into your heart
and hold it there
for your self.

March 29, 2003


Illusions


We are of different tribes,
you and I.

We fight, we love and we sing,
though you are my opposite.

April 5, 2003


Our women are the feminine
of who we are, together.

Let our feminine be vulnerable,
soft and naive.
And let our masculine be strong,
coarse and hard.

And let their differences
alight the fire of illusion.

February 13, 2003


Opposites attract
and illusion is born.

Similarities align,
and the opposites
grow stronger.

February 1, 2003


Their usefulness to us
is what keeps them here.

The illusions.

Unfortunately,
we have not yet learned
how to feed
without being
fed upon
in return.

December 29, 2002


The illusions keep us
from the search,
and
bind us
to a reality.

March 17, 2003


I am fighting them all the time.
And by fighting them,
I am making them stronger.

Release your judgements and fears
and fight no more.

Lessen the power of the opposites.
Lessen the power
of the conflict.

February 2, 2003


We are grazers; not tigers.

January 12, 2003


Reality


If you live as if
the future has already happened,

then your reality
is in the future.

March 1, 2003


Your reality is where you are
right now.

Even when your reality
is an illusion.

January 1, 2003


You are the creator of your reality.
Your creation is the result
of your search.

(You cannot create who you are.)

Your search is to
know
who you are.

You are the creator of your reality.

Your creation is the result
of your search.

March 22, 2003


The illusions keep us from the search,
and bind us
to a reality.

March 17, 2003


Have you ever wondered why,
no matter how old you get
it is always you?

You do not change;
your reality
changes.

March 8, 2003


A thing is as real
as it is present
in all realities.

February 1, 2003


…no matter how old you get
it is always

you…

You do not change;
your reality
changes.

March 8, 2003


A thing is as real
as it is present
in all realities.

February 1, 2003


If today is not important,
and yesterday and tomorrow
are not important,
then what is?

February 20, 2003


Having fewer things
saves time, money and effort
for everyone.

April 5, 2003


Responsibility to things,
is a cage
around my
sense of freedom.

March 4, 2003


The illusions keep us
from the search,
and bind us
to a reality.

March 17, 2003


Their usefulness to us
is what keeps them here.

The illusions.

Unfortunately,
we have not yet learned
how to feed
without being fed upon
in return.

December 29, 2002


You are the creator
of your reality.
Your creation is the result
of your search.

March 22, 2003


Pillars,
at the foundation
give structure, guidance, and direction.

Let the pillars that support your reality
be straight, honest, pure and simple.

January 1, 2003


Choices


They are only choices,
but they are creating your reality.

"Should I stop
and get a burger?"

April 2, 2003


Where you go is your choice…

Halleluiah!

But the choices that come to you
are only choices.
You can back out.

January 12, 2003


Some things are just not choices,
so accept them as they are.

Others, are more uncertain.

March 10, 2003


Not all choices are right.
Sometimes there is no "right" choice.

And sometimes both sides of a choice
are equally right
or equally wrong.

January 12, 2003


Making a choice
excludes you from the room.

Unless you choose
not to choose.

To not choose
is to
NOT accept the price,
and to go back
to the search.

March 10, 2003


The illusions keep us from the search
and bind us
to a reality.

March 7, 2003


Doors are opening all the time.
They are diversions from the search.

They should be seen from both sides, clearly,
because, once through,
you may want to return.

But, of course,
it is better not to go.

Because, they are diversions
from the search.

December 27, 2002


There are so many choices,
but understand,
they are only choices.

It is not what you
"should" do.

The choice that is in front of you
right now
does not have to be accepted.

You may say, "No."

January 11, 2003


Your reality has been shaped
by those things
to which you have said, "No."

January 11, 2003


You are the creator
of your reality.

March 22, 2003


They are only choices,
but they are creating
your reality.

April 2, 2003


Your creation is the result of your search.

Your search is to know
who you are.

March 22, 2003


Be as less than air,
so that even the forces
that stir the wind
do not move you.

January 2, 2003


The Objective


Are you here to do something?
Or, are you here
to learn
something?

February 22, 2003


You do not grow older; you grow wiser.
You do not change;
your reality
changes.

Then you
die,
and start over
again.

So, what's the point?

March 8, 2003


That's the screwy thing about it.

Why is there death?

What is the lesson,
and
"who"
is learning?

February 20, 2003


Then you
die,

and
start over

again.

March 8, 2003


… "who"
is learning?

February 20, 2003


You are the creator of your reality.
Your creation is the result of your search.
Your search is to know
who you are.

March 22, 2003


Then you die,
and
start over
again.

March 8, 2003


Your search is to know
who you are.

March 22, 2003


That is the objective:
who are "we"?

January 12, 2003


How much of who we are,

can you
bring into this world?

That is the objective.
And that is the
creation.

January 12, 2003


Your creation is the result
of your search.

Your search is to know
who you are.

March 22, 2003


Without the influence of my egos,
who am I?
(Who are we?)

Without my need to know who I am
I have no reason
for being here.

December 31, 2002


That is the objective:
who are "we"?

And that is the creation.

January 12, 2003


Why is there death?

What is the lesson,
and

"who"
is learning?

February 20, 2003


I close my eyes
and look inward,
into "our" world,

as "we"
learn
and take pleasure
from mine,
through me.

February 22, 2003


Us through me.

We are the greater;
I am the lesser.

February 22, 2003


Let the pillars that support your reality
be straight, honest, pure and simple.

January 1, 2003


Be as less than air,
so that even the forces
that stir the wind
do not move you.

January 2, 2003


The truth
is nothing…

nothing added.

March 10, 2003


That is the objective.
And that is the creation.

January 12, 2003


…who are "we"?

January 12, 2003


The illusions keep us from the search
and bind us
to a reality.

March 7, 2003


We Are One


I am "me,"
but as I am "us"
I am "you" also.

February 2, 2003


The illusions
keep us from the search
and bind us to a reality.

March 17, 2003


Size and number are irrelevant
to consciousness.

A consciousness may be present
in a tree, a forest, or in me.

February 20, 2003


A thing is as real
as it is present in
all realities.

February 1, 2003


"We" are the same consciousness.
"We" are the same being…

There is only one.

March 6, 2003


What would you like
above anything else in this world?

To see myself through the eyes of someone else,
to be held by someone else, to be touched,
and to have an opposite.

March 3, 2003


There is only one.

March 6, 2003


…to be held
by
someone else,
to be
touched,
and to have an opposite.

March 3, 2003


My reality is where I am,
right now.

Even when my reality
is an illusion.

January 1, 2003


The illusions keep us from the search,
and bind us
to a reality.

March 17, 2003


…it is always
you…

You do not change;
your reality changes.

March 8, 2003


I close my eyes
and look inward,
into "our" world,

as "we"
learn
and take pleasure
from mine,
through me.

February 22, 2003


Us through me.

February 22, 2003


"We" are the same consciousness.

March 6, 2003


We are the greater;
I am the lesser.

February 22, 2003


"We" are the same being…

There is only one.

March 6, 2003


My reality is where I am,
right now.
Even when my reality
is an illusion.

January 1, 2003


The illusions keep us from the search,
and bind us
to a reality.

March 17, 2003


I have felt the great beast
move,
in whose mind
our universe
is but

a fantasy.

April 19, 2003


"We" are the same consciousness.
"We" are the same being…

There is only one.

March 6, 2003


To see myself
through the eyes of someone else,
to be held by someone else,
to be touched,
and to have an opposite.

March 3, 2003


…a fantasy.

April 19, 2003


There is only one.

March 6, 2003


Without my need to know
who I am

I have no reason for being here.

December 31, 2002


That is the objective:
who are "we"?

And that is the creation.

January 12, 2003


Why is there death?

What is the lesson,
and
"who"
is learning?

February 20, 2003


Truly, I am the only one who will die.

It is the only real thing
I will ever experience
in this reality.

February 20, 2003


Are you here to do something?
Or, are you here
to learn something?

February 22, 2003


You are the creator
of your
reality.

March 22, 2003


Let the pillars that support
your reality
be straight, honest, pure and simple.

January 1, 2003


If today is not important,
and yesterday and tomorrow
are not important,
then what is?

February 20, 2003


The illusions keep us from the search
and bind us
to a reality.

March 17, 2003


If we were apes,
sitting under that tree down there,
what would we learn?

What should we learn?

March 10, 2003



Your creation is the result
of your search.

Your search is to know
who you are.

March 22, 2003



The illusions keep us from the search
and bind us
to a reality.

March 17, 2003


There are no powers.

There is only ignorance.

January 12, 2003


Your search is to know
who you are.

March 22, 2003


They are only choices,
but they are creating
your reality.

April 2, 2003


Be as less than air,
so that even the forces
that stir the wind

do not
move you.

January 2, 2003


Your reality has been shaped
by those things
to which
you have said, "No."

January 11, 2003


The illusions keep us from the search
and bind us
to a reality.

March 17, 2003


Their usefulness to us
is what keeps them here.

The illusions.

Unfortunately,
we have not yet learned
how to feed
without being
fed upon
in return.

December 29, 2002


The illusions
keep us
from the search.

March 17, 2003


How much of who we are,
can
you
bring into this world?

That is the objective.
And that
is the creation.

January 12, 2003


The truth is nothing…

nothing added.

March 10, 2003


Be as less than air,
so that even the forces
that stir the wind
do not
move you.

January 2, 2003


Without my need to know
who I am

I have no reason for being here.

December 31, 2002


To see myself
through the eyes of someone else…

March 3, 2003


…a fantasy.

April 19, 2003


Are you here to do something?
Or, are you here
to learn something?

February 22, 2003


Your reality has been shaped
by those things
to which
you have said, "No."

January 11, 2003


They are only choices,
but they are creating your reality.

April 2, 2003


Your creation is the result
of your search.

Your search is to know
who you are.

March 22, 2003


How much of who we are,
can you
bring into this world?

January 12, 2003


Pillars,
at the foundation
give structure, guidance, and direction.

Let the pillars that support your reality
be straight, honest, pure and simple.

January 1, 2003


Without my need to know
who I am

I have no reason for being here.

December 31, 2002


…a fantasy.

April 19, 2003


"We" are the same consciousness.

"We" are the same being…

There is only one.

March 6, 2003


I am "me,"
but as I am "us"
I am "you" also.

February 2, 2003


The illusions keep us
from the search

and bind us
to a reality.

March 17, 2003


About the Author


Paul Lungust works as a programming consultant and lives in the greater San Diego area with his wife. Another book by this author is Manifestation through Meditation.


You may contact the author at worldshipcrew@gmail.com
Your comments and thoughts are always appreciated.


Download this book for your ebook reader.
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